‘How much money do you make?’: Here’s how to answer that question on a date, according to a dating coach

First dates are often the scene of inappropriate questions. In the quest to find the perfect match, many people lose their tact.

Questions about money, in particular, can put people on edge. But, because finances are an important part of compatibility, many singles want to know upfront whether a potential match has similar spending and saving habits to them, says Nashville-based dating coach Kelsey Wonderlin.

Wonderlin has counseled about 200 singles and says most care about the salary of their date if they are looking for a long term partnership.

“A lot of my clients, who tend to be women in finance, say ‘I want someone who can keep up with my lifestyle,'” she says.

While some singles possess the skills to subtly ask about money, there are those who might outright ask about your salary. If you encounter this question and aren’t comfortable answering, there are a few ways you can respond, dating experts say.

Basic etiquette deems questions about finances on a first date unacceptable, says Rachel DeAlto, a dating expert at the app Plenty of Fish.

But it’s also unrealistic to think that money doesn’t matter. If one person enjoys going out to eat three times a week and another prefers to stay home and save money, there might be a lifestyle mismatch that’s worth discussing.

“Your date could be looking to understand your dating expectations with regards to the current economic environment,” DeAlto says.

However, you’re not required to answer questions that make you uncomfortable. If you don’t want to reveal your salary, its OK to give a vague answer, especially in the early stages of dating.

“It’s not necessary to jump into money conversations if you’re just casually dating, but there is a way to respond without feeling pressured to reveal a pay stub,” she says. “Perhaps, ‘I make a living wage!’ or ‘My salary is pretty average, but I’m hoping to increase my pay within the next year.'”

You can also follow up with your own questions. Asking “Why is that important to you?” or “What does it represent?” is reasonable if the other person has already directed the conversation toward income.

Wonderlin agrees that you could turn the question around and use it to learn something about your date: “I would say ‘That’s a really interesting question. That’s not something I’m comfortable sharing at this moment with you, but I’m curious why it feels so important to you to discuss now.'”

And, of course, if you are comfortable revealing your salary feel free to do so. In fact, if you don’t find the question off-putting it might be a sign you’re on a date with someone who is a pretty good fit.

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